ummm random?

1. will be here all week. Thank-you. Thank-You Very much!
2. knows your jealous because the voices are talking to him and not you.
3. wonders... What is the speed of dark?
4. has too much blood in his caffeine system.
5. has calculated that half of his Facebook friends are below average.
6. is being spontaneous... tomorrow.
7. is joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them.
8. wants to remind you that it's even worse then you think.
9. didn't say it was your fault... I'm just blaming you...
10. is going around telling people that you're really 46

more random

1. thinks that a clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
2. is going to have a day of firm decisions! Or am I?
3. thinks all the world's a stage. Too bad I missed rehearsal.
4. is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back.
5. is proud to be modest!
6. says ask me about my vow of silence.
7. is living better through denial.
8. says blessed are they who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
9. is boldly going nowhere.
10. says cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
11. is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
12. couldn't myself have better it said.

Random

1. Works for the department of redundant departments.
2. ask if you expect mere proof to sway his opinion?
3. wonders if you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
4. just found out that they took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary!
5. wonders if illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
6. reminds you to not play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
7. says don't read everything you believe.
8. says don't sweat petty things — or pet sweaty things.
9. pleads that you don't treat me any differently than you would the King.
10. is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.

WORK!

1. understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.
2. thought he wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a pay-cheque
3. is just working here until a good fast food job opens up....
4. sees Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
5. pretends to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. thinks ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
7. thinks work is for people who don't know how to fish!
8. just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
9. is thinking that this isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
10. 's co-workers think he's a hard worker because they hear all this typing on Facebook!

LOVE, LOVE,LOVE

1. says let's make February 15th OUR valentines day.


2. says there is someone for everyone but wasn't really thinking about you.


3. says don't worry... it's not contagious.


4. says, "you make me feel dead inside"... Happy Valentines Day


5. says on this Valentines days... Please don't make me choose between you and porn.


6. already killed some helpless flowers for you... what else do you want?


7. loves Valentines day, where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.


8. wants to remind you that nothing says "I love you" more than somebody else's words mass produced on re-cycled paper.


9. says nothing is more romantic than letting you know that I love you... via this Facebook Status update.


10. says, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, It's Valentines Day, And I have a hangnail.

1. was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi.


2. will never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!


3. is reading his friends' statuses and adding 'in bed' to the end of each one.


4. is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.


5. will never put salt in my eye. never Put Salt in my eye. Put Salt in my eye. Always put salt in my eye.


6. didn't mean to accept your friend request. This is the last status you will read.


7. is only a test. If this were the real NAME, and not a test, you would have been informed.


8. never makes stupid mistakes ..... only very clever ones .....


9. gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.


10. would like you to give him back that filet o' fish! Give me that fish!

Updates Vol 1

1. notices that when the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.


2. thinks that a day without sunshine is like night.


3. thinks that if atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.


4. is getting that Deja Fu feeling... That that somehow, somewhere, he's been kicked in the head like this before.


5. knows that some people say that he must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.


6. is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?


7. is reflecting that the cost of living hasn't affected it's popularity.


8. wonders if you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


9. thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.

Funny Facebook Status Updates

Hello,

I have been asked to compile my old status updates by my friends... I'm not going to categorize them right now.. just to make it harder for you, the reader to makes sense of it all. Steal away peeps!