- will be here all week. Thank-you. Thank-You Very much!
- knows your jealous because the voices are talking to him and not you.
- wonders... What is the speed of dark?
- has too much blood in his caffeine system.
- has calculated that half of his Facebook friends are below average.
- is being spontaneous... tomorrow.
- is joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them.
- wants to remind you that it's even worse then you think.
- didn't say it was your fault... I'm just blaming you...
- is going around telling people that you're really 46
- thinks that a clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
- is going to have a day of firm decisions! Or am I?
- thinks all the world's a stage. Too bad I missed rehearsal.
- is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back.
- is proud to be modest!
- says ask me about my vow of silence.
- is living better through denial.
- says blessed are they who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
- is boldly going nowhere.
- says cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
- is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
- couldn't myself have better it said.
- Works for the department of redundant departments.
- ask if you expect mere proof to sway his opinion?
- wonders if you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
- just found out that they took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary!
- wonders if illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
- reminds you to not play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
- says don't read everything you believe.
- says don't sweat petty things — or pet sweaty things.
- pleads that you don't treat me any differently than you would the King.
- is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
- understands that hard work has a future payoff but Laziness pays off now.
- thought he wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a pay-cheque
- is just working here until a good fast food job opens up....
- sees Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
- pretends to work. They pretend to pay me.
- thinks ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- thinks work is for people who don't know how to fish!
- just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
- is thinking that this isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- 's co-workers think he's a hard worker because they hear all this typing on Facebook!
- says let's make February 15th OUR valentines day.
- says there is someone for everyone but wasn't really thinking about you.
- says don't worry... it's not contagious.
- says, "you make me feel dead inside"... Happy Valentines Day
- says on this Valentines days... Please don't make me choose between you and porn.
- already killed some helpless flowers for you... what else do you want?
- loves Valentines day, where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.
- wants to remind you that nothing says "I love you" more than somebody else's words mass produced on re-cycled paper.
- says nothing is more romantic than letting you know that I love you... via this Facebook Status update.
- says, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, It's Valentines Day, And I have a hangnail.
- was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi.
- will never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!
- is reading his friends' statuses and adding 'in bed' to the end of each one.
- is for external use only. See your doctor before administering.
- will never put salt in my eye. never Put Salt in my eye. Put Salt in my eye. Always put salt in my eye.
- didn't mean to accept your friend request. This is the last status you will read.
- is only a test. If this were the real NAME, and not a test, you would have been informed.
- never makes stupid mistakes ..... only very clever ones .....
- gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
- would like you to give him back that filet o' fish! Give me that fish!
- notices that when the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
- thinks that a day without sunshine is like night.
- thinks that if atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.
- is getting that Deja Fu feeling... That that somehow, somewhere, he's been kicked in the head like this before.
- knows that some people say that he must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
- is wondering if he had everything, where would he keep it?
- is reflecting that the cost of living hasn't affected it's popularity.
- wonders if you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- thinks it's odd that people justify deer heads on their walls by saying they're beautiful animals. Hmmm.... I think my wife is beautiful.
